There’s nothing like a good workout. No matter the time. Tonight was a late one. Helps me sleep. Helps clear my mind. Usually for me when I workout, I push all the world and things that have hurt me, frustrate me to the surface. Blare my music oh so loud. It’s good to let it out sometimes. I by no means start crying (that would be embarrassing) but I do push harder. Especially when I want to quit I think of all the negative and keep going. That’s motivation.
Okay, enough rambling.
Back to the point here, there is one, I promise. So taking a break from my workout had me thinking, just curious to know, all the bad a person can do to one, and not have any remorse. No apologies. I went through a pretty tough encounter, experience, whatever you want to call it, it wasn’t pleasant. I was fooled. Blind sided. Literally. Imagine this, I’m the star quarterback, my offensive line bailed on me and bam I get sacked. I didn’t see it coming. Injured to say the least. I was taken out of the game on a stretcher that’s how bad I was hurt. What I thought of a situation was far from what the other person thought. You can invest so much in a person only for them to up and walk away.
We went from talking and seeing each other almost every single day for months straight. In the midst of those days, I now look back and not a single time did we go out in public. Hindsight is always dadgum 20/20. Period. I got played. For whatever reason. I fell a victim to his narcissistic ways. As much as we prayed together, talked about God together, as much as we opened up to each other, as much as I thought there was magic it was just an illusion. My illusion, my mistake and his lies. (I couldn’t seem to fathom how could someone so godly hurt me specifically in the events he did.) He still played me and degraded my relationship with God. Ready or not we were donezo. Kapeesh.
AND..
Not having closure probably has to be one of the hardest things to deal with. Not everyone is who they say they are. People will hurt you. People will manipulate you into believing their lies. And.. You just have to hold to the truth,
“For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all.” – Luke 8:17
No matter what. It’s hard, but what’s done in dark will eventually be brought to light. I may be his best kept secret, but he’ll never stop being a part of my story, my testimony. I’m human and so is he. We are all sinners. And only God can judge, but that doesn’t mean we can’t talk about the things and people that utterly leave us shell shocked.
If you experienced anything remotely close to this just remember to keep your faith, and dust your shoulder off once or twice. Whatever it takes. Pray to have the wisdom to know the difference in a true genuine godly man vs. someone who puts on a front, uses God as a crutch, just to test the waters and use you. It’s sad. But it’s reality.
potterybrook 